I have been sitting with the idea of writing this article for a number of weeks as it’s personal to me. I have decided to share my experience of living with someone who contracted the Covid-19 virus and the impact it has had on us both. I hope others will seek support from it and validate any anxieties we all have around this virus that sadly will not be going way for some time.
My partner (a frontline serving Police Officer) came home on Saturday 4th April after a day’s work and was not only quiet but falling asleep on the sofa. I jokingly said “you’re rubbish company you”, she replied “ I’m not feeling too great and I’m aching all over, I need to go to bed” (7.30pm).
My partner went to bed in the spare room and that’s where she stayed for the next two and half weeks. I would like to walk you through those two and a half weeks because they are significant.
Sunday 5th April I woke up and spoke to my partner through the bedroom door, by which time she was very achy and uncomfortable, and was developing a cough. I took drinks and food to her but she wouldn’t come out until I was downstairs and out the way.
This continued throughout the week. She reported achiness and sheer exhaustion. Whenever she showered this would trigger a coughing fit resulting in not being able to breathe, then taking some time for her to settle. We realised the steam from the shower wasn’t helping so switched to baths which gave short relief from the aches.
Changing the bedding was exhausting and took its toll, everything had to be completely separate. I handled everything with gloves, and my cleaning regime became fanatical to say the least.
My anxieties during this time were sky high. I struggled to eat a meal and constantly cleaned and cleaned. As I was self-isolating also I relied on my daughter and mother in law to bring food and supplies. My partner (when she had the energy) would look out the window to her Mum to try to offer some reassurance. Her Mum had lost her husband the week before Christmas and was grieving.
Our grandchildren hadn’t grasped the concept of Covid-19 at this point so seeing them through a pane of glass was very difficult emotionally for us all.
I lost track of days, struggled to sleep at night and just wanted my partner to get better. Some days we thought that was happening then the next thing, a turn for the worse and several steps back.
Monday 20th April is a day I won’t forget. My partner still wasn’t feeling well and had no energy to have a bath or change the bedding. At 4pm she text me from her bedroom saying she couldn’t breathe and would I call an ambulance. Now anyone who knows my partner knows this is serious as she hates fuss.
I rang 999 and requested an ambulance, explaining her symptoms and that she is struggling to breathe. I was told an ambulance would come but when I asked how long, was told “I can’t tell you when as we have none currently”.
Downstairs pacing the floor, I am trying desperately to stay calm while she is upstairs focussing on each breath. One hour and five minutes later and ambulance arrives – the longest hour of my life. A female paramedic comes in all kitted up and looking like something out of Ghostbusters. Assessment completed and yes her temperature is high and so says it looks like Covid. The paramedic consulted with a doctor at hospital about whether they need to admit her. Fifteen minutes later the decision is to keep her at home with strict instructions over the next 24 hours. The fear and anxiety I felt contemplating the possibility of hospital was just incredible, but as pointed out to us she would probably be more at risk in hospital.
Tuesday 21st April my partner woke up and was feeling a little better, the advice given was followed to the letter and her temperature had come down slightly.
Wednesday 22nd some progress as she managed to sit in the garden for an hour but was exhausted so went back to bed and so the slow journey of recovery began.
Thursday 23rd she got up and sat in the garden for couple of hours then back to bed exhausted.
Friday 24th – day 4 was a turning point. She got up and managed to stay up however back in bed by teatime once again exhausted.
We spent a further week social distancing before we started to regain some kind of routine at home.
What this experience has left us both with is ongoing anxieties about shopping, going out and being in the close proximity of other people. Our working environment in particular is a trigger for anxiety. I am lucky that I can still do most of my work at home but my partner is back working as a police officer and is very vigilant when in closed environments. While I can’t control others’ views or behaviours around the pandemic, I can protect myself and my loved ones and do the right thing for us.
My partner is still struggling with fatigue and will wake up every few days and say “I’m so exhausted”; she has no colour in her face and has really heavy eyes. This is easing, however the mental scars remain. Part of the human condition is that when we are away from immediate threat we start to think about the ‘what if’s’. Unfortunately this isn’t helpful so when we start doing that, I try to remember to focus on ‘what is’ now, not what could have been.
My partner has since told me she thought she was dying on Monday 20th April and that will stay with both of us for ever. A fear of death or serious harm to ourselves or a loved one is one risk factor for psychological trauma.
I wanted to share this so if anyone is struggling with this unprecedented period, there is no right or wrong way to feel. Support is on hand for anyone who feels they need it, don’t underestimate the power of talking.
We will all deal with this virus differently; my hope is that we can be tolerant of each other and respect individuals’ fears and anxieties around this.
If you are a front line worker who has been affected by Covid-19, you can access free psychological support by contacting Frontline-19:
If you have been psychologically impacted by Covid-19 (you may have been ill with it, experiencing a loved one’s death or illness) and are struggling with acute anxiety or trauma, you can access free online therapy here:
https://www.traumaresponsenetwork.org/
Andrea Whittaker-Ward
Counsellor and Trainer at The Wellness Consultancy