It is Child Mental Health week (1 to 7 February) so let’s talk about some of the reasons many children are struggling with their mental health. Equally important is how we can help young people express themselves safely. The theme this year is Express Yourself – www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk.
Professionals only see children if there is a specific need. For example, if a child becomes unwell, they seek medical attention; nurseries and schools on the other hand do see our children for a large part of their day. However it is only parents and main care givers that see all aspects of their children – happy, sad, frustrated, motivated, anxious, at their best and worst.
What if a child’s bond (attachment) to main care givers has been fractured in some way such as divorce, bereavement, ill health? Quite often children seek to fill this gap through their peer group, other adults or becoming engrossed in a particular activity. Sadly this can cause an increased vulnerability to bullying, inappropriate use of social media, alcohol/substance misuse and unhealthy relationships with older children/adults.
Knowing how to encourage to a child to talk about their emotions and mental health, and recognising the signs that they might be struggling, can be really hard. Signs of depression or anxiety in children can sometimes look like normal behaviour, particularly in teenagers who can keep their feelings to themselves.
It’s also natural for children or young people to feel stressed or anxious about things like exams or moving to a new school. But while these experiences can be very difficult, they’re different from longer term depression or anxiety, which affect how a child or young person feels every day.
It can help to think about what’s normal for your child and compare how they are now to identify any signs that they’re been behaving differently.
Signs of depression and anxiety:
Persistent low-mood or lack of motivation
Not enjoying things they used to like doing
Becoming withdrawn and spending less time with friends and family
Feeling tearful, angry or upset regularly
Changes in energy levels, sleeping or eating habits (increase or decrease)
Becoming socially withdrawn and avoiding spending times with friends and family
Feeling nervous or “on edge” a lot of the time
Suffering panic attacks
Complaining of frequent stomach upsets, general poor health and lethargy
For younger children, bedwetting, changes to toileting, night terrors
Realising that your child may be suffering with symptoms of depression or anxiety can be upsetting. Being able to access professional support is really important, but there are things as parents you can do to support your child.
Staying calm, patient and approachable is important even if their behaviour is upsetting to you.
Keep the lines of communication open, even it’s by text and in the house from different rooms, sitting side by side is often less intense such as when driving, going a walk together (adolescents often communicate better that way when feeling under pressure).
Validate their feelings and experience, it may not make sense to you but for them it’s very real. Try not to minimise what they are going through or give comparisons to others.
Discuss with your child ways in which they could cope better (coping strategies), speaking to GP or services where online support groups and counselling are offered. For example, Kooth (an online counselling platform for young people) where they can join monitored discussion groups and have online chats with counsellors https://www.kooth.com.
Children and young people express themselves in different ways to adults, so it’s important to remember that if a child is ‘acting up’ or behaving out of character are they trying to tell you something in their own way?
As adults it can be hard to come to terms with our own mental health and understanding what’s going on in our minds, so imagine what it might feel like for a child with a still developing brain trying to make sense of their world. It’s important that we talk about how we maintain our emotional resilience and what we do to help ourselves, letting your child know that this takes effort and is important.
If you have a child with a disability or special need and this time is particularly challenging. Some useful guidance from the Council for Disabled Children https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/help.
Very sadly your child may have experienced a significant bereavement due to Covid-19 and due to the lack of access to friends and family this may have been particularly difficult for them to understand and cope with. The Child Bereavement Helpline has a variety of support available www.childbereavementuk.org/coronavirus-covid-19-information.
So during Child Mental Health Week, lets encourage all children and young people to connect with you in their own unique way.
Below are useful links to resources for young people and care givers.
The Mix is a free service that offers online services and counselling to young people under the age of 25 www.themix.org.uk/.
There are some great resources available on the BBC website www.bbc.co.uk/teach/childrens-mental-health-week
www.mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/resources/express-yourself-children-s-mental-health-week-toolkit/
We offer counselling and guidance to parents/carers and children from the age of 5 years old upwards. Please contact us to discuss how we can help you.
Andrea Whittaker-Ward and Rachel Wesley