This week is anti-bullying week. Bullying can take many forms and often subtle this can cause such a devastating impact on us. As someone who has experienced bullying both at work and in relationships, I would like to share my personal story in the hope this may benefit someone else reading this. I am an NHS whistleblower and someone who has stood up on behalf of others being bullied – those bullied by the healthcare system and by others within organisations such as the Police and Prison Service. In my previous job as an HR Director, I would often be called upon to investigate bullying and other grievances. This gave me a unique experience of organisational systems and how sadly if not operated correctly they can worsen bullying.
The biggest threat to any bully is the truth. Speak your truth and although you may be ‘gas lighted’ by the bully (a common but misunderstood phrase used today), remember that your truth is valid. It is important to keep a record of what is happening as we can often feel that our memory is failing us and struggle to remember the chronological order of events. The anxiety that bullying causes has a direct impact on our cognitive function and cause us to have physical symptoms of anxiety such as poor sleep, palpitations, exhaustion, poor memory, impact on our performance and ability to perform This is not evidence of being mentally unwell but is a normal symptom of overwhelming stress.
Signs of gaslighting are a lack of transparency and openness in relationships. The term gaslighting comes from the Ingrid Bergman film made in 1944 ‘Gaslight’. Ingrid’s husband convinces her that she is imagining things when he is acting in ways to divert attention from his criminal behaviour. He causes her to believe she is going mad. Gaslighting is a subtle but manipulative behaviour and can be present in many relationships whether that is in our intimate or work lives. Gaslighting is a form of subtle workplace bullying (nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk)
I wore my odd socks to school today and many schools around the country have been showing their support for the anti-bullying campaign.
Anti-Bullying Week 2023: Make A Noise About Bullying (anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk)
Common signs of being bullied are self-doubt, difficulties in making simple decisions, feeling exhausted both physically and emotionally, sleep difficulties, increase in worry thinking, avoiding situations and feeling overwhelmed constantly.
Bullying at school and in education settings is a serious issue that parents and children discuss with us in the therapy room. People often come to us with physical health issues that are directly linked to the stress they are experiencing due to bullying and it is only when they begin to explore what is going on for them that the reasons become clear. Online bullying is such a serious issue for many children and adults alike. Remember that there are laws to help us tackle this serious crime.
Helping Children Deal with Bullying & Cyberbullying | NSPCC
Online abuse and bullying prevention guide – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)
Always remember you are not alone – speak to a trusted friend or colleague and contact the many services out there to help people experiencing any form of bullying or abuse. Bullying is often experienced in domestic abuse situations particularly coercive control and psychological forms of abuse. There are so many organisations out there to help us with domestic abuse Domestic abuse: how to get help – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk).
The National Bulling helpline can be contacted Monday to Friday on Helpline: 0300 323 0169 Telephone: 0845 225 5787
If you are being bullied at work remember that if you working in a unionised workforce you can join your Union at any time or speak to a member of your Human Resources team, if you work in the NHS contact your ‘Speak Up Guardian’, read up on your employer’s grievance and bullying policies (many employers have Employee Assistance Helplines to offer support too); contact your GP or your local mental health service; speak to your child’s school who will have a designated teacher to deal with bullying situations. Most of all, please don’t doubt yourself.
Rachel Wesley
Trauma Psychotherapist and Clinical Supervisor
Email: wellness-consultancy@outlook.com
Website: wellnessconsultancy.org Contact Tel: 07759 516241
Further advice
Information and advice about all forms of bullying (nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk)
Helping Children Deal with Bullying & Cyberbullying | NSPCC
Online abuse and bullying prevention guide – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)