Men’s mental health day takes place every year in November and coincides with lots of events and charities taking part in raising awareness of men’s mental health. One in eight men in England faces common mental health problems with 77% of men polled saying they experienced some level of symptoms such as anxiety, stress, or depression (Priory Group). The main causes of this being work stress, financial pressures and health concerns. Men also make up 75% of completed suicides in the UK. Despite this men still struggle to reach out for help with their mental and physical health a lot of the time due to stigma of having to deal with things alone and not being a burden to those around them. Men are often habituated to be stoic and tough and to hide their vulnerabilities. This societal pressure can make it difficult for them to open up about their struggles. This is why even though progress continues to be made in supporting everyone with mental health struggles it is important that we look specifically at how we can help men to find support and have better mental health and live fulfilling lives.
It is important to be able to spot when someone you know may be struggling. The Movember website puts a lot of emphasis on how to spot the signs as well as how to have conversations that support and help. Some of the signs that someone could be in distress might include:
- Not sleeping
- Eating less or more than usual
- Forgetting grooming (no clean clothes, not showering or brushing teeth)
- Avoiding social situations
- Missing social or sports events
- Going quiet on social media or messaging apps
- Being more irritable than usual
- Talking of death and dying or increased hopelessness
This list is not exhaustive and it may be that the person you are worried about is struggling with something that they do not require help with. However, if you notice any of these behaviours then it is probably best to take the first step and just ask the question. Ask how they are feeling and mention any of the changes you have picked up on. Remember that people will often initially tell you that they are fine even if they are not so use your instincts and ask again if needed. Make sure you listen to the response that is given to you, give your full attention and don’t judge anything that is said. You are not looking to diagnose or find out gossip about your friend so just try to understand. You can let them know you are listening by asking open questions or just reflecting back what you have heard and understand so far.
If you feel that you are able then encourage him to take some action. This is not about suggesting a fix to the problem or making things magically better. It is likely that the situation he is struggling with is not simple to fix and will not be solved today. Perhaps there are things that show that you care and are willing to help rather than having an absolute solution. This might be around trying to get more sleep, eating better or just asking if anything has helped them in the past. Offer to be there to listen again in the future and encourage to seek support from others as well as yourself to remove some of the shame and stigma of what they are feeling. Make sure you check in with him either on the phone or plan to meet in person in a week or so time. This shows that you understand that the issue does not need to be solved after your conversation and that you will continue your support.
This method of approaching a difficult conversation follows the acronym of ALEC to make it easier to remember the steps:
A – Ask the question
L – Listen and don’t judge
E – Encourage to seek help
C – Check in and continue to support
You can read more about the ALEC method on the Movember website and even practice some hypothetical situations to see how much you already know. https://uk.movember.com/men-s-health/spot-the-signs
Most importantly for anyone who is taking a supporting role for others is to make sure you seek that support for yourself as well. Looking after yourself is integral to how we make sure that we are well enough to support our loved ones. Self-care looks different to everyone so it is worth considering what this looks like for you and making sure you are mindful to regularly include it in your week. This may take the form of time away to be alone and rest or may be about getting out to see friends or family. Perhaps you find exercise is the thing that helps to unwind while others will like to have a night off from the gym if things are getting too much. Men’s mental health month is all about challenging the stigma of what men should or shouldn’t be in order to be accepted. The more we as men are open about what works and doesn’t work for us then we can be the change we want to see in these expectations. Most importantly as much as we need to watch out for others struggles we need to keep an eye on our own. If you feel it is needed then confide in a friend or even a professional and you may feel to benefit of being listened to and understood without judgement for yourself.
For more resources and support check out the Movember website:
https://uk.movember.com/mens-health/get-support
For more information and support please contact us.
Matt Anderton, Counsellor
The Wellness Consultancy
https://www.priorygroup.com/blog/40-of-men-wont-talk-to-anyone-about-their-mental-health