After the Christmas period it is not uncommon for relationships to suffer in the aftermath of the financial pressures that go with this time of year.
Quite often we can spend more than planned which seems a good idea at the time, until the reality of compensating for that in the New Year kicks in. Also, for some families and couples Christmas isn’t a happy time, it can hold sad or painful memories which can affect how we communicate with our loved ones.
The past 2 years has put a lot of pressure on our relationships in general, as our coping strategies we may have used to decompress a situation or feeling, has been removed due to the pandemic. The space we may have created before hasn’t been available to us in the same way.
Statistics suggest that one in every two marriages ends up in a separation and then divorce. The reason for separation might vary; however, there are some common ones including the inability to forgive, built-up resentment, financial pressure, poor communication, built-up resentment, and intimacy issues.
When such issues occur in a marriage, the couple is under pressure to come up with a solution. Most often, the solution couples decide on is separation. However, it is important to remember that while separation or divorce might seem like the best solution, it does affect the children, the spouse, and the people around in negative ways.
The main reasons for separation are:
- Communication
- Infidelity
- Financial problems
- Lack of effort and investment
A common theme we notice in couples therapy is the impact of poor communication which compounds difficulties further. It can become harder to communicate with someone when things have become tense or awkward, and if both parties feel they are in the right.
Developing skills to make good connection with our partner that can be maintained is hard work, and threats or life’s “curve balls” can present themselves without notice. If a relationship is already struggling, then seeking solace in someone or something else can seem an attractive distraction, that can have devastating consequences.
Alcohol for example reduces our inhabitation and things can be said under the influence of alcohol/substances that can escalate already existing tensions between people.
When conflict arises in this way it is important to recognise this conflict/triggers around these things and respond to them by removing yourself from such tensions to give time to deescalate the situation in a positive and constructive way.
Building a healthy relationship requires constant care and attention and it’s important that individuals are committed to recognising and accommodating each other’s differences.
Healthy relationships require compromise from both parties, and a desire to listen and hear what the other person is trying to say. This can be challenging as we all have our own perspectives on situations, so negotiating time for each other to talk is crucial when working through difficult periods in our relationships.
Making time for each other, and time to discuss what’s going wrong is really important despite any discomfort. By listening to each other without interruption can really help in terms of putting a good plan in place to reconnect with your Partner and resolve any differences.
Time out away from the home is also really beneficial as being on neutral ground really supports both parties being more open with each other. Date night with no distractions is another good way of reconnecting with those feelings that made you fall in love in the first place. If things are tense between you, choose to do something that doesn’t require you to talk all the time, for example the cinema.
Talking couples therapy is also a good way of reconnecting with the help of a third person, someone who can be objective and hold the balance of both perspectives. If you are a couple struggling currently, you can have a telephone consultation with us to discuss if therapy is something you feel you would benefit from (contact details below).
Remember all couples have difficult and challenging times in their relationships at some time or other. Communication is key to repairing and moving forward positively from challenging times.
Take a look on our website thewellnessconsultancy.org for helpful guidance or contact us for support and advice. We have book recommendations on our
Best wishes to you for a healthy start to 2022.
Andrea Whittaker-Ward
Email: wellness-consultancy@outlook.com
Website: wellnessconsultancy.org Contact Tel: 07759 516241
Further information and support:
Relationship counselling – Counselling Directory (counselling-directory.org.uk)
https://www.debtadviceline.org/