As children and young people start to get ready for a return to school, and college for the first time, it’s a useful time to talk about how these challenges and transitions can be made easier.
The reality is that change is inevitable in our lives, however how we support children and young people during this is key to how they adapt to their new surroundings. From young children starting nursery, primary school, to them moving up a school year to the transition of young people to high school, college and university, they all need help, support and encouragement and this will look different depending on their age.
As adults we can find change challenging and unsettling, even though we have an understanding of that change. For children and young people managing their emotions will depend on the support they receive from the adults in their life.
There are lots of ways both parents, grandparents, teachers and other professionals can help children and young people have an easier time during transition periods. Let’s look at how we can help them manage behaviours better and acknowledge this may take some time and experimentation to find out what works for each child.
Children who are neuro diverse, struggle with anxiety or sensory issues, may need additional “scaffolding” to support the difference between a good day and bad day. In the long term this can pave the way for stability and self-confidence. Even if your child doesn’t have an official diagnosis, make sure that you speak to the Special Educational Needs lead and ensure that your child’s class teacher understands what helps them.
Creating strong routines leading up to returning to school after the summer break is vital in helping them adapt to change. Having a structure is helpful in creating safety and reassurance which in turn will build confidence and help a child/young person settle quickly.
As human beings we crave security and stability, we want and need to feel safe, with a sense of control over our lives and well-being. Fear and uncertainty can leave adults feeling stressed and anxious and powerless in our lives, it can lead to a downward spiral of ‘what ifs’ and worse case scenarios.
For children and young people in their crucial years of learning, it’s our responsibility as adults to help prepare them for life’s changes so as they move into adult life, they feel equipped and prepared. Gettings things practical together like clothes/uniform, bag, stationery and talking with them about what they’d like for breakfast or snacks to take with them will help make the impending change real.
If a child or young adult is displaying behaviours that are challenging, take a moment to think why? We can’t always articulate what we feel verbally so their thoughts/feelings may manifest through behaviour.
To conclude change and transition isn’t always easy but with a good routine, support, consistency, patience and understanding it will help a child’s/young person’s nervous system stay regulated and calm. Younger children may like this video about https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6o5sz-U-exg
In order to help us and those we love with emotional self regulation, let’s look at some useful tips and tools that people find can help. Most people who experience anxiety feel it is something they can’t control but the reality is you can control it and help your children to also. You might like to watch a video with your children to help them understand how the nervous system works.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6vqSehMYQQ
When we speak to clients about breathing techniques quite often we get responses like “I would feel silly doing that” but with practice you can use this technique in a room full of people and they wouldn’t even notice!!
So here goes all you adults reading this, it’s really simple!
Take a deep breath in, then an exaggerated blow out, slowly and controlled and repeat. You will notice your tummy muscles contracting upwards, this will then push all the anxiety ‘energy’ up and out. This is the aim.
The idea around this is that it shifts your focus from feelings of anxiousness to your breathing, your breathing will start to regulate your body causing your anxiety to ease.
What’s important is that you practice this every day for around 30 seconds so that it becomes second nature to you.
For children and adolescents ask a few simple questions:
- What things will be the same? What things will have changed? When did you cope with something you weren’t expecting well? What did you learn about yourself?
- Name the main worry in your head right now? Let’s break it down and see if your worry is 100% correct. Are you fortune telling believing you can see into the future? Could you be filling in the gaps? Now that we understand that worry thought let’s acknowledge it but let it go where it belongs – into the sky. Mindfulness can help us cope with ‘sticky’ thoughts. Try this mindfulness meditation video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgRd1Mzhb_Q
- The breathing exercise is one but get your child to imagine blowing up a big balloon, as big as they can, and then blow all the air out. This helps them to shift their focus to making the balloon their priority NOT their anxiety.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PcCmxEW5WA
- Put a self-help box together or a worry box. You can include favourite photos of family, friend, times when they had good experiences, positive memories about when they did well at school/college, a smell they find calming, a toy, ball, piece of fabric they like to touch, words to a song, a favourite book. They may want to use their phone to record positive memories, photos and songs that help them remember positive times when they felt proud about their achievements or accomplished something with a group. An outline is here Worry kits for children can really help. A great example is available on this site worry-box.pdf
We have worked with children and adolescents for many years. Experience tells us that facing something like this head on is the best thing, talking about our anxieties is one of the most effective ways in managing them. Normalising that we as adults also have feelings of anxiety when we are doing something we haven’t done for a long while or doing something for the first time.
The guide below is really helpful for parents concerned about how to best support their young person when having a move in education:
Supporting your child when they move between educational levels – Mental Health
For more information please took a look at the links below and feel free to have a conversation with us about how we can help.
https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/school-college-and-work/school-college/moving-schools/
https://www.studentminds.org.uk/get-support/student/
Supporting your child when they move between educational levels – Mental Health
Rachel Wesley and Andrea Whittaker-Ward
Email: wellness-consultancy@outlook.com